See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm always down for nudity.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
