my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
