i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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