FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
