Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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