i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
