she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
