are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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