So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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