Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
