captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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