I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
