a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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