That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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