Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
