If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
