woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Two words: nipple clamps
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