is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
