your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
