My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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