i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
