Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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