I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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