If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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