i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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