you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
