there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
