i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
