my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
