He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize