You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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