All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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