i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
