Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
