Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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