Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
