Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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