Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
