I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
