He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize