What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
