coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
