those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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