I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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