Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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