Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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