I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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