this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
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He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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