if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
organizing the empties. That sober.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
