We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
