Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize