So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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