my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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