Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
