He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
