I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
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i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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