I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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