our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize