we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
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He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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