I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
