How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
