I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
