Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
