It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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